I see no reason why it’s wrong to wish bad things on other people. Thousands of perfectly kind and productive humans get murdered, maimed, and cancerfied every day. Why can’t I try to suggest some better options for the Fairy of Horrible Fate?
You know why? Because many people are afraid of their thoughts and foolishly believe in karma. My legitimate suggestions for disbursing harm and bad-luck put giant cracks in their wall of repressed desire and bring reason to their retarded, avoidance-based interpretations of eastern religion.
You know who I respect? The pre-teens that called B up and told him that his Justin Bieber review was stupid, that he was old, probably couldn’t dance, and that he should get hit by a truck. That’s the kind of healthy, albeit not really in proportion to the offense, expression we all need to return to.
So, to the nurse who not only made me suffer through two ridiculously base conversations over the course of three hours, but never called me back to help me out with my migraine meds while I paced, suffered, and watched the zags go by – I hope your dinner tonight includes a parasite that toils inside your small intestine for six months, six months that you spend in the bathroom while your first born child learns to walk and you can’t see it even though you are only a room away, but your face is in the toilet, and you get a sore on your face (probably in the shape of a toilet) that never heals and is extremely painful and you run out of pain meds and no one ever, ever helps you and your husband never comes home from going to the store to buy butt salve for your ugly face.
Even though the answering service is closed for the night (that’s how I know you aren’t going to call back), I hope you get this message because I am thinking it. All powerful thinking!!