Not Much Time

In the country the wind affects the internet. The local gossip affects the internet. The daily specials at Olden Days Cafe affect the internet. I need everyone to clear off for now though. I am trying to download the latest episode of Friday Night Lights and a couple audiobooks for my drive tomorrow - my car antenna was mangled by a car wash in Tecumseh so I need more CDs and podcasts. If I can't get audiobooks, I would like to ask my friends to take some time out this evening to call their grandmothers or second cousins and record and send me an interview regarding the following topics:

  • Sadie Hawkins Dances
  • Illegal Abortion
  • The Hudsons Building
  • Betty Ford


Locked Cabin Doors

There is clearly a disparity of duration happening. This is a peninsula thing - maybe a northern Idaho thing but I can't know for sure. The rest of you, those of you that move freely on the roads and in your days, using regular air and weather and clocks and time, I urge you not to take it for granted. Seconds do not always last exactly a second. Eternity has been unleashed in a snowflake and it is falling over and over again outside my window.


Holiday Happenstance

In a very "Wizard of Oz" + Dark Side of the Moon type of happening. I discovered that a three and one tenth song section of "Christmas with Dino" fits nearly perfectly with a random reel of some super 8 footage I was digitizing last night. It's about three reels (unedited)that were burned in LA and Tokyo. Nothing says Christmas like palm trees, neon, and Dino.

If any of you want a full-res version, just holler. XO


Small talkin ain't no small task.

My grandmother told me a story about "two ladies that were supposed to go to New York City to see a play - a show - and they couldn't because it was too snowy." My mom told me about how the Muppets put on a nice Christmas special. My aunt said my cousin is in algebra II already. She may even get to take a college level class before she graduates from high school. This is going to be an extra snowy winter. Snowier than most. Mitch Album. That's how they get you. Too much ice in the cups. Cheesey potatoes. Kohls. Specials. Poinsettias. Deals. Wrapping paper.

And then my sister comes home late tonight, she missed the family party because of work duties at the rehab hospital. She sits me down to tell me a story about a man, a very fat man, who she describes as "obeest", who always eats with his shirt off. He can barely speak and only grunts. He's four hundred pounds at least and he has a tiny meek wife that only speaks to ask for more Sprite. He might do other things with his shirt off but my sis is only around for the eating part and today he was eating oatmeal  and it was dribbling off his fat, slacky lower lip and falling onto his bare flabby chest and she tells me that she couldn't stop thinking "What if I had to lick that up," and that caused her to throw up a bit in front of the patient and even more in the bathroom.

I asked her, "why do you think something like that?"

"First thoughts, ya know?"


Not A Permanent Place For A Dead Body

So all this snow is worthless to me. Just a bunch of frozen mashed potatoes that are eventually going to melt.

S_drift S_drift2 S_drift3 S_drift4

I'm snowed in.


Nat Tiv Ity

That 99cents? Keep It.

Dear iTunes,

It was late and I was emotionally compromised so I actually purchased a song from you. What in the snowcovered hell was I thinking? If I buy a song from you the only thing you can do with it is play it on your annoying iTunes software. No sampling, no video soundtracking, no ghostriding the whip, no dividing the song up in minutes and handing it out on Halloween to small children and their greedy older cousins. Really though, thanks so much for the album artwork. You clearly have the artists best interests in mind.

Piss up a rope.


To convert a copy protected M4P iTunes song you have to burn it on a CD then copy it back onto your computer and import it into Audition or some other high-end audio software and then re-export it to a wav or FLAC file and then you will be officially an ITunes copyright pirate! You will have all the time and money and music you want to sit around and think about the ethical conundrum you have put yourself in.


Ice Storm of Death

I have a short story coming up for some of you. It's about a girl in a car and a dog by her side and some stitches and a lie and then a dead dog. It will make you cry, just like the beautiful Christmas cards I have made in my head.

My attempt at sending a Mann message failed. I will try again when you are least suspecting. You know what? I always say: It doesn't matter if you are misunderstood, only if you are missed.

It is sixteen degrees outside. The snow flurries are more like snow furiousies. Fat flakes too cold to touch the ground, too busy wind-tusslin to accumulate. So great, the earth is frozen and my hands are cold and I only have two more deadliney type tasks to accomplish and then I will be left to my own devices and bosky personal deadlines for the rest of 2008.  Send me your wishes and your wishlists! Everyone is making chili.


A Home in 2009

Sweet Bea Honeythroat has been sending me some links for the Softbones dream compound: You can see them here, here, and here.

Today with E, I saw some places where I want to live bad and badder.

I also have a three season Eureka Apex that will do just fine in the California desert. Last summer, I met a two-lane hippy name Katie that had just left the Oregon circus to live on a small space of NPS federal dirt in Joshua Tree and if she can do it, I can.


I Will Find You

Well well well it's Saturday night. E and I spent the day partying like true veterans R.I.C-ing, thrifting, day drinking, and trying to find The Green Dot Stables where Sweet R had taken me a few nights or a week or something ago - quite a place but it's closed on the weekends. You know, in LA, going out on Friday and Saturday nights was for amateurs and people that could afford daily pedicures and double priced valet parking so I can see why a place of that caliber would close - to avoid the ruffians of course.

So this evening, in addition to "reading" (putzing through novel while waiting for the slow download of The Dark Knight), I watched the Pistons win and flipped through some cable channels on the 'rents bigscreen and guess what I stumbled on at the exactly perfectly Michael Manly moment? Yeah you heard me Bobby M (or maybe you can't - turn the volume - waaaaay up).


Lunch With a Student

It's time to catsup with the latest haps.

Good news: found a pill in an old pill box marked M357 - my favorite number!

Last class today. I arrived about 20 minutes late because I forgot that the college re-arranges the time schedule during finals week so I walked in to a bunch of students sitting on tables and fiddling with their cell phones and each other. I made up a ridiculous lie on the spot about running over a giant buck on the highway and having to skin it immediately to preserve the meat (ala Into the Wild). Later after class I was killing time and a sandwich at a local schwarma shop when one of my students from my afternoon class shows up and asks if he can join me. It was comfortable because I was reading a novel about Kinsey. We talked about christmas shopping and lipgloss and scrooges and then I asked to be excused and he said "I'm not stalking you."  M357.

My officesignproject domain is about to die. Something is f-ed with my billing but I see it as a sign to let passiveagressivenotes.com (est.2008) take over. It was more of a 2000-4 thing anyway and I am so bo-ored with that and I am a creator, not a collector. Anyhow - I can't take credit for all the cranky passive aggressive secretaries and roommates in this world. But let me just say that the UK version of their book has the exact same title of my book proposal that was in several editorial board meetings of some serious publishing houses...uh what what? M357.

Lets talk about how Kyle and Sona won for best directing at the Channies on Sunday night. I am so proud of them. I think it is so cool that great acting can be mistaken for great directing. I guess It's still an auteur's world.... JK. Love you guys. Good job. M357.

My friends are arguing about Ugg boots via email. M357.

My GOD, I found an Ultra Suede shirtdress at the salvo on 8mile today! That wasn't even the real highlight of the shopping mission either. As usual, I had to assist a tiny old lady with wardrobe selection. They always have the same criteria: does it have a red tag? red tags are 50% off... So I find a cardigan with some nice gold buttons and a red price tag and I hold it up for her and she peers over her glasses, "oooh yes that's nice... a bit too jazzy for an old lady though." This is coming from a woman in a purple plaid wool coat and a green knit beret. "Oh no mam, you're supposed to get jazzier as you get older." "Oh is that how it goes..." and she howls. Howls and pushes her cart to the next aisle to find more red tags on less jazzy sweaters. M357.

Some things are too good to write about. Erdman's birthday party is not one of them. We had the greatest time ever right before the party because it was me and Mehr and Ju and Steve (M's man crush) and Derek and Amy and Jim and we are all exciting and charming and beautiful and thoughtful people that love M&Ms and laughter. Derek and Jim opened their presents and we ate pizza and waited for the rest of the people to come over and ruin everything and break tables and hide paintings in the toilet tank and annoy me.

presents amyandderek

legaleagles jimpresents

makesomenoise smokeythebirthdaybear


The girl (and I am not going to say which one) above was deemed by Julia as the most annoying person at the party (or on earth). I saw a couple people actually break a glass in their hands while standing next to her. I think that Derek still had a good birthday. Mostly because he got a special Bethany Toews/Sweet Bea Honeythroat/Softbones production of The New Birthday Song and because we all went out to see Alex Chilton and then eat Korean BBQ the next night. M357.


More updates soon. M357.


Instructions For

I'm back in the electric world after a short break. Too pooped to detail all the highlights (and there were many) now. I can only offer this advice from a book I found at John King Books:



It's Really All The Same But So So Different

There are really only two stories to tell: 1) A person leaves town aka: goes on a journey or 2) A stranger comes to town.

There are really only two deep, true emotional injuries in the entire human existence: 1) Loss and 2) Not being able to get the last word in/make someone see your point of view - technically that is a loss so there is really only one deep emotional injury in all of this mess we call the human condition: LOSS

I'm reviewing this duality because 1) An old friend royally pissed me off beyond repair recently and 2) I have these two before and after photos of where I have lived recently:





There are really only two kinds of life: 1) Now and 2) Not now.

Two kinds of less lonely people in the world. Two kinds of truly acceptable pasta. Two kinds of peace signs. Two kinds of pens. Two kinds of car seats. Two kinds of holidays, road lanes, poultry meat, feet, and also the dollar is available in two kinds of currency 1) paper and 2) silver.