For the past week I’ve been staying in the one-stoplight town I grew up in. It has a few more stoplights now thanks to urban sprawl but almost-small-towns don’t have quite the narrative impact as small towns do so try to hold the one-blinking-stoplight image in your head. Also think about how people leave their kids strapped in their car-seats, trapped in minivans, windows cracked, engines still running while they run into the IGA and then post office and look oh there’s Mrs SoandSo let me stop and talk about band boosters. If this place were LA I would be a childnabber. I have needed a small chubby-cheeked child since opening day at DodgerStadium. It is nearly impossible to get on the jumbotron in the cheap seats unless you have a 6-16month old to dress up in baby MLB gear and throw over your head. But kidnapping will not be my crime here, I barely had enough time to settle in and wake up my criminal self. This place is even more suited for drunken disorderly. I am moving on to the city tonight. My offense there will be small town envy.