Tonight B and I saw Notorious. It was like my mother, whose favorite movies, as most of you know, are: Patch Adams and Happy Feet, directed it under the executive consulting of Puffy Combs, 2008. I really don’t know how else they could have made hip-hop so unsexy. It was a good night though. We had dins at an Italian place and I ordered chicken just because it was baked under a brick. I love anything that has a golly-gee hook like that (we shave the meat at your table just like they do in the Brazilian jungle, I’ll write my name on the table cloth, watch me hand mix PF Chang hot sauce, or smash a brownie into a cup of chocolate ice cream with a misshapen spoon)
I stayed up reading an interview with Gore Vidal in one of B's bigpage/hardpaper magazines. Is it not time that we demand modern media stop printing anything that involves a discussion about how “Americans are so this and so that and like bad food and are rude and uneducated and blahdittyblah blah”? Is there anything more annoying than someone who thinks that they are the truth seer and the rest of the population is just drinking the koolAid? ( Or someone who says "god, I just tell everyone I'm from CANADA when I travel"? If you are good looking enough, like me and Emma, people automatically think you are from The Peoples Republic of Fashion so you wouldn't have that problem, but I digress...) Only countries with either a) a very small land mass or b)a massive population problem or c)a dictator, should be mentioned in the “Such and Such country is SO blahdity blah” conversation.
Generalizing for the sake of dramatic impact and stringent word-count requirements is one thing, but is there a grosser generalization than lumping some 300 million people from the great melting pot, into one giant festering couch potato cliche just because one happened to have experienced public transportation in France? We know Cheney’s a creep, dude. We all saw him in the wheelchair and we are properly scared, we just don't consider it particularly unique insight.
Most likely, people have a deep fear of their own greed and they blame it on America. If this were not true we wouldn't get email-FWDs from our grandparents about how much illegal immigrants are costing taxpayers. America is a perfectly chaotic unresolved mess of everything you ever wanted, the Waffle House version of chopped and screwed, smothered, covered, and lovered. Americans are SO everything - so absolutely inventive, imaginative, entitled, lazy, groomed, so good at sports, so-so at driving, so into Bono, SO everything I tell you. So much so that your pompous ass, Gore Vidal, is allowed to not only exist without a daily face egging, but talentless sycophants are actually paid good money to print your irritating drivel, and some of people from this uneducated mass of bad taste actually consume and consider all of it. Like me, for example.
But really now, if America wasn’t full of hillbillies to make fun of and self-loathing cynics who need their hate talk delivered with a bit of false prestige just to validate their own fearful existence, GV would be out a job. He and all the rest of the Eurobators who haven’t a clue that there are nearly 46 states, populated with all kinds of people, covering the over three million square miles packed in between Los Angeles and New York City, should thank their lucky stars we Americans can only read American. Otherwise I would have spent my evening reading TVyNovelas and maybe even the Karan or Ana Karenina in the pure form, and not some self-righteous culture rag that only perpetuates the vicious lazy hate cycle that makes it ok to rip on everything and be responsible for nothing truly creative. But what do I know? I’m just a true patriot and I enjoy sitting around and talking with people that agree with me. I don’t know why I have to hate on Gore Vidal. It’s just late and cold here and he’s just a squirrel trying to get a nut. Ok, I’m sorry about that. Wait for the DVD of Notorious.
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