Certified Notes

• If I could captivate an audience as long as I waited in line at the Post Office today I would be too busy booking my post-Pulitzer book tour to keep up with this blog. 
• It is possible to extend an errand into an epic. Just get behind a woman who wants to write a check for her two return receipt letters totaling $6.84 and make sure the clerk checking her out doesn’t have 1)an updated prescription for his bifocals and 2) any paper in his register to give her a receipt.
• I got a new fancy Android phone. It has a touch screen and syncs all of my contacts with my gmail account and even my facebook friends so I have been accidently texting, calling, and messaging people I only know through having been on a group email at one point.
• While I was purchasing this fancy phone the friendly Tmobile communications specialist was juggling another customer - a faded red-head holding the hand of a young boy.  She said to him, “I just want you to get the text messaging off this phone. I .. I don’t need it. I’m not a teenage girl.”     Oooh ma’amm..sounds like you wish you were.
• During lunch today I saw a man walking down a busy industrial road holding a can of beer, wearing an unbuttoned plaid shirt and a hammer hanging from his belt loop. He looked as much like a carpenter as Memphis looks like St. Lucia.