You Oughtta Know

Is there anything (aside from being a POW like the one I saw on “This Emotional Life” last night) more annoying in life than having to deal with a person that sucks it so much and who will never know it

I can 90% guarantee that when you think back to the most major points of frustration in your life, it was because you were dealing with someone who refused to acknowledge their role as a human being who sucks.

The never know it part is key. I mean – we all suck once in a while but time, tears, guilt, or court orders usually make us come to terms with our wrong doings. We are sharing far too much air with people that, for one repressed reason or another, will never accept that they are widely hated for good cause (and they should be suffocated).

Like say, as a completely random example, I have this friend who has a boss that is an insanely ineffectual micro-managing deceptacon with the emotional intelligence of a five layer burrito. The kind that spends the day hosting last-minute mandatory meetings about ridiculous shit like tornado policies, re-forwarding company emails with the note “did you see this” to his/her employees, and then incessantly talking about the long hours he/she works. The kind of boss that so visibly resents that his/her employees not only get a lunch break and have things to talk to each other about, but also get paid for their work, that they actually start to look like an imploding chicken soft taco by quitting time.

Trying to communicate with people like that is like talking about dinosaurs with people that believe their bones were placed on earth by Satan. You aren’t even at the same starting point (which in both cases would be somewhere along the lines of earth/reality/common decency/mutual desire for joyful living) so it is pointless. The only thing you can do is bore your friends with details until they stop calling one-by-one and you are left filling your nights downloading Jersey Shore extras off the MTV website.

So my declaration for the day is that much like the essential paths in fictional narrative, the narratives of human personality are just two: either someone has self-awareness or they don’t. And you can’t do much about the latter. You can’t even be sure you are part of the former. You can, however, use my free or low-fee services and I will let you know where you are in the big picture of a-holedom.

What I can guarantee you with 100% certainty is that if you get two or more ladies in an office setting on a regular basis, with a regular schedule, the amount of time discussing where they will eat lunch and what they will eat for lunch will, over time, slowly progress into a daily full-fledged seven and a half hour discussion. They should just ask in job interviews, “What should we have for lunch?” to really see how people fit into the office culture.

God. I feel so bad for my friend.

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